I would do anything for you
if it would keep you here with me.
And I would change everything for you,
if I just knew that you would stay.
– anything and everything, the icarus account
I adore the Icarus account, an indie twosome made up of the talented Turner twins. Their songs are generally “feel good” with a cutesy vibe. They came up on shuffle as I was listening to spotify tonight, and this song struck me. But not in a good way…
The lyrics above are consisted of words that I have personally said or thought and I’m sure many of you have or well. Words that you’ve said to someone, begging them to stay. Words that you’ve thought because, just maybe changing something about yourself or your circumstances would prevent them for leaving. But is that a healthy mindset?
Is it really healthy to sacrifice your own happiness and health for someone else? I tend to think that, no, it’s not okay. It’s easy to say and swear that we would do anything for the one we love, and perhaps we would! But perhaps we also need to think about ourselves and if that is a good thing for us. This probably seems contradictory to my posts about being selfless and putting other’s needs ahead of ours, but this is very different. I’ve seen too many people I care about being controlled by their emotions and feelings by the one they loved. Sometimes the ones we care about most are the ones who are most destructive to our mental health and happiness.
I beg you, don’t change anything about yourself just to make another person happy. Don’t do something you aren’t comfortable with to make the one you love stay. Don’t sacrifice anything about yourself because someone tells you they won’t love you anymore if you don’t. I beg you, don’t do that. Because in the end, sometimes that person leaves anyone, no matter what you do or what you give. And then you’ll be left broken and hurt deeper than you can imagine. I beg you not to give anything and everything that will harm you and your mental health.
I won’t lie. This past week or two has felt like I walked through hell and back. I think I’ve shed more tears in the last ten days than I have my whole life. (That’s probably a wee bit over dramatic.)
Although I won’t bore you with the mundane details of it all, I will say that I’ve got a lot of things to sort out with myself. I find that no matter what I do or what happens to me, I always blame myself – even when it couldn’t possibly be my fault. My brain always jumps to the conclusion that it is something I did to make someone leave, or it’s my fault that some things happen the way they did. It’s very dangerous to live like this. I often find myself sinking lower and lower when I get into this mindset. It’s like I’m living every day wading through quick sand, trying my best to trudge on. It gets harder and harder, especially when I feel as though there is no one I can lean on.
I am a fiercely independent person. I do not like to have to rely on other people. Blame it on my pride or stubborn ways, but that’s how I’ve always been. I absolutely detest having to ask for help. But sometimes … I have to. I’m learning more and more everyday that I cannot carry on just by myself. Rather, I need the love, support, and encouragement of others. In fact, I have many people who would do almost anything to help me. I just need to take the first step – to admit that sometimes, I do need help.
Sure, you can try to tape up your broken heart, bind up your own wounds, and attempt to limp on by yourself. But how far will you get? You might very well be the strongest person in the world, but even then…. you are going to need other people. I could try to form my closing words and sentences in a way that you might understand, but I think Jamie Tworkowski of TWLOHA will do a much better job.
You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.