Tag Archives: post a day

things to remember.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about the words you’ve written or the ones you will write. For if he doesn’t care for the words you write, he will grow not to care about the words you say. He will not care about the words you do not say.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about the books you read. The one who won’t listen as you chatter on excited about Sal Paradise’s adventures across the United States, and how the road is life. The one who doesn’t listen to your 2 AM epiphanies about life and living and the value of adventure. The one who ignores your dreaming and ramblings about leaving everything to find everything. How could anyone ignore the fire and passion in your eyes after you breathed the words of Howl for the first time? He must be blind indeed.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about your favourite song. The one who doesn’t see the way your heart rises and falls to the tempo and the beat. The one who doesn’t watch as you silently whisper the words to this song – this song that reminded you that you’re not alone in life. Music speaks.

And do not fall for the boy who doesn’t see you as a work of art. As something crafted so perfectly unique, with complex brushstrokes in your hair, and vibrant colours and hues in your lively eyes. For if he doesn’t see you as a work of art, he will not treat you as one. He will not care about the “fragile” and “do not touch” signs. My dear, stay far away from that one. Don’t ever, ever let him tell you that you’re anything less than a masterpiece.

Wait. Just wait a little bit and do not settle.

Wait for the boy who reads carefully over the words you’ve written, and smiles when he sees his name scribbled in there. He will understand the words of your heart, and know the words your smile and your eyes say.

Wait for the boy who listens patiently as you chatter about your favourite books and authors. The one who smiles with love as you recite William Butler Yeats’ poetry to him. The one who will even read you your favourite book to fall asleep. That is the boy who loves you for all of the passion and fire in your soul.

Wait for the boy who knows your favourite song just as well as his favourite song. The boy who knows when to play it for you when you’re feeling especially blue. In time, he’ll learn to sing harmony to your melody.

Wait for the boy who treats you like a piece of art. The boy who loves everything aspect about you. The boy who sees no flaw, but characteristics. The boy who respects your body like one would respect the Mona Lisa. One does not have to feel art to feel it (if that makes sense…). 

Finally, wait for the boy who waits for you. The one who is patient and understanding, because sometimes life is confusing and you often don’t know what you want exactly. If he truly loves you, he will wait for the right timing. He will wait during the hard times, and the times you feel like you don’t know yourself anymore. Be patient, silly heart. He’s out there.

Advertisements

I write because I must.

Words. Words. Words. My life is full of words. If someone could peek into my brain, they would see a constant outpouring of words and syllables and letters that make up who I am and what I think and how I convey myself to other people. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I am happiest when I am scribbling away in one of the dozens of journals that I own. It’s not uncommon for them to see me hunched over a notebook, furiously writing away. Of course, I am not writing anything of importance really. No, I’m just getting the thoughts out of my head and onto something tangible – the paper.

Why do I write? You ask. Well, to be completely honest, I write because I feel I might implode if I don’t. The words and thoughts I accumulate in this brain of mine in a day’s time can get overwhelming. I process things delicately, yet quickly. If someone is talking to me, I tend to get distracted because my brain is focusing on how I can reply to them. On average, I can come up with three or four different ways to reply in a few short seconds. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? But that’s just how this mind of mine works. 

Sometimes the thoughts are screaming at me, requiring me to write them in bold, capital letters at the tops of napkins. Other times they are quiet and gentle, sometimes inspiring song lyrics. Still other times they are barely coherent, and I barely even know when they say when I jot them down. But seeing those words transferred from the complexities of my thoughts in my head, to a piece of paper I can hold in my hand soothes me. It brings me comfort. It helps me make sense of everything. It helps me breathe.

I’ve said all this to answer a question: Why did you start this blog? Why do you write?

I write because I must. 

life will turn with the leaves.

I am almost down to one month. One month until I leave to start a whole new life at University. One month until I leave all of the friends I’ve grown up with over the years to meet a whole new group of people. One month until I say goodbye to my home of 18 years. One month until life turns.

And I cannot wait.

I can feel autumn in my bones, even though I’m physically stuck in the middle of a sweltering summer. It sounds strange, doesn’t it? But I feel the change on the horizon. When the leaves turn from green to rusty reds and oranges, my life will turn from familiar to totally new and maybe uncomfortable. When the breeze picks up, so shall my life. When the nights turn shorter and colder, my time here will grow distance and more into bittersweet memories. 

I am ready. I am ready for autumn weather, because I desperately hate wearing shorts. I am ready for a new life on campus, full of new faces and new things and new everything. I am ready to grow up and realize that everything here that I thought meant “everything” really meant so little in comparison. Honestly, I am ready to leave these people and these far too familiar faces. I will miss them dearly, some heaps more than others. Others I will learn never truly cared for me, and I will become better for realizing that. I am already starting to realize how superficial some of my friendships are, even though I thought them to be deep and meaningful. Isn’t it strange how easily other’s opinions of you can easily sway someone you called your best friend? Or how people expect you to pick sides? It’s crazy, that’s for sure. Anyway.

As for this town, it will grow sweeter as I am away from it longer. I will begin to appreciate the time I return to visit. I will long for reunions with the coffeeshop I seem to frequent weekly, or the annoying traffic lights that take too long, or the familiarity of it all. 

And finally, as for this life I am leaving, I will grow, grow, grow, grow. I am excited to see the person I transform into, as I get to kind of start over. I will no longer be chained to the preconceived opinions of people, or worry that lies or rumours will effect people’s judgment. I need not worry about that any longer. And that is a relief.

So, dear leaves, I hope you change very soon. Because I am ready.

more than just a pretty face.

10455674_689236284457384_7513793816541167307_n Who am I, really? Beneath the glowing smile and behind the glowing eyes, just who am I? You probably wonder the same thing. Do you ever wonder just who the girl behind the screen is? Who belongs to these words and these outpourings of her heart? I do. 

I won’t deceive you. This post isn’t meant for me to explain to you who I am, or to convince you that I’m a good, interesting person. That is for you to decide. This post is more or less for me, as I continue to figure out who I am and where I’m going. And try to learn to be a bit more confident with who I am, both inside and out.

So here I am, just a simple girl in this great big world of ours, with wide eyes, taking in everything and every place I meet. A smile to welcome strangers, who may well end up becoming life long friends. Open arms to comfort the people I care deeply about. Strong shoulders to carry the weight of living. Gentle feet to take me to wherever it is my heart desires, and to dance of course. And soft hands to hold my dreams and expectations, and take hold of the promises of life.

10384922_689242237790122_3208306488493511955_n

Keep your face always toward the sunshine –

and shadows will fall behind you.

-walt whitman

summertime epiphanies

It’s been far too long since I’ve written anything. For the past few months, everytime I sat down to write, i felt like I didn’t have the correct words. Even now, I still don’t feel as though I have anything interesting to say.

But I suppose you all deserve an update of sorts, so I’ve compiled a list of three things I’ve been doing.

  • I have been taking more photos and storing up the memories for a time when I will need them. Just today I pulled over whilst driving just to take a few snapshots of the sky and the clouds. I want to remember what the sky here at home looks like when I had to college. I am a very visual person, probably because of my extremely artsy streak. This is why I cherish photographs so much, for looking back at them can almost take me back to that moment in time. Photos, to me, are like dogeared pages in the book called “my life”.
  • I have been taking more risks and stepping outside of my comfort zone. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I really enjoy comfort zones. I get nervous easily and I’m incredibly shy when you first meet me. But, with a little encouragement from a few friends and a whole lot of practice, I’ve become the person that walks up to strangers and asks them how they’re doing. I no longer cringe at the thought of first encounters, but welcome them. It is now quite easy for me to carry on an interesting conversation with someone I barely know. I believe this will help me tremendously as I enter University in just over one month.

 

  • I have been spending more time alone. This may sound a little odd to you, but spending time with just myself has taught me so much. I’m learning how vastly complex I am, and that that is just fine. I’ve discovered that if my friends want to hang out and I really do not wish to, it’s okay to say no. I do not need to push myself to be the person everyone expects me to be. I’m learning that I am much stronger than I once thought. Learning to be content by myself has also shown me that I need not look for a relationship at the moment. Although it is disheartening that most all of my friends are in relationships or have significant others, being single is where I need to be. In fact, I quite like the freedom of not having to worry about such a petty thing like wondering who likes me and what not. There are still many complexities to my personality that I haven’t yet figured out, but I know I will get there soon enough.

As you can see, I’ve learned in these past few months. As for the experiences and things I’ve gone through in that time, I don’t have enough space to even begin to explain it all. But perhaps that will be saved for a few future posts. 

All in all, my summer is going quite wonderfully, and I hope the same goes for you all.

Anything and everything?

I would do anything  for you

if it would keep you here with me.

And I would change everything for you,

if I just knew that you would stay.

– anything and everything, the icarus account

I adore the Icarus account, an indie twosome made up of the talented Turner twins. Their songs are generally “feel good” with a cutesy vibe. They came up on shuffle as I was listening to spotify tonight, and this song struck me. But not in a good way…

The lyrics above are consisted of words that I have personally said or thought and I’m sure many of you have or well. Words that you’ve said to someone, begging them to stay. Words that you’ve thought because, just maybe changing something about yourself or your circumstances would prevent them for leaving. But is that a healthy mindset? 

Is it really healthy to sacrifice your own happiness and health for someone else? I tend to think that, no, it’s not okay. It’s easy to say and swear that we would do anything for the one we love, and perhaps we would! But perhaps we also need to think about ourselves and if that is a good thing for us. This probably seems contradictory to my posts about being selfless and putting other’s needs ahead of ours, but this is very different. I’ve seen too many people I care about being controlled by their emotions and feelings by the one they loved. Sometimes the ones we care about most are the ones who are most destructive to our mental health and happiness.

I beg you, don’t change anything about yourself just to make another person happy. Don’t do something you aren’t comfortable with to make the one you love stay. Don’t sacrifice anything about yourself because someone tells you they won’t love you anymore if you don’t. I beg you, don’t do that. Because in the end, sometimes that person leaves anyone, no matter what you do or what you give. And then you’ll be left broken and hurt deeper than you can imagine. I beg you not to give anything and everything that will harm you and your mental health.

summer skin.

And so with the sunshine and the bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.

– F. Scott Fitzgerald.

 

Oh, how I adore this quote. It is one that rings true, even in my own life. I find myself feeling ecstatic as the summer begins, flooding my town with sunshine and good vibes. The grass is turner greener, and the trees are bursting with leaves. The flowers are blooming in the garden, and I’m sitting outside on our patio listening to my neighbors mow their lawns and work on outdoorsy projects. There’s a certain universal joy that everyone is experiencing as they enjoy the wonderful weather. It feels fresh and new, like nothing that has happened before.

And perhaps that is what the summer does to us. Perhaps it reminds us that we can start over and that the trials and cold of winter is not eternal. Perhaps it reminds us that things can begin again. 

So I shall shed the skin of winter, the hard and tough armor that I suited myself with. I will leave that behind me and take on my summer skin, ready for all of the new adventures and promises of this season.

dreaming of travel.

Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.

– Jack Kerouac

Oh, be still my heart. I have such a fond spot for the ever wonderful Jack Kerouac and his contributions to literature. I often imagine what it would have been like to live in the Beat Generation, adventuring across the U.S with he and Neal Cassady, experiencing things and writing about them. I dream of living on the road for some time in the future, simply writing stories of the people I meet and taking photos of the things I see.

You see, I have a hunger for adventure and discovery. I’ve never been content to stay in one place for too long. I’m fascinated by the fact that we all have stories, and I yearn to go to different places to hear other people’s stories. 

Perhaps one day I shall hit the road with a select few friends and learn more about this world through the eyes of others.

stories and screaming reminders.

You are empowered to remind people that they are utterly free.

– jack kerouac

I stumbled across this quote today, and it made me stop in my tracks. I pondered this simple sentence for a few minutes, marveling at its simple yet powerful truth.

We are all stories. Don’t think otherwise for one second. The people you come across every day are stories. The barista in your favourite coffee shop, the kid who sits next to you in class, the man on the street who begs for your spare change and grace… they are all stories. And our stories are all different, unique, but equal. Just because someone’s story is different than yours does not mean it is irrelevant and unimportant. Don’t be deceived. We have more in common than you think.

You’re probably thinking, “Great, Erin. Now what does that have to do with me and my personal story?”
It has everything to do with you and your story. You were given a story for a reason, though you may not realize it yet. The bumps in the road and the chasms in between are all for a reason. Look at where you are – you’ve made it here and that is what counts. Look behind you for a brief second, think about everything you’ve triumphed through. Think about the pain that has got you to where you all. It all has purpose. Now what can you do with that?

I’ll tell you one thing – you can use that story to inspire others. You can help other people get through their own messiness by showing them that we’re all a little messy. You can be an inspiration. I’ve had a few people tell me that I’ve inspired them through this blog, and they often say, “I wish I could do the same.” But the thing is – you can! Don’t be afraid to let your story shine like a lighthouse, showing people that the safety of the shore is not too far away.

the cross = love.

I think I’ve written before of my inabilities to forgive and my struggle to have a gracious heart. I’ve told you of my trials and tribulations, and the redemption I’ve found in Christ. I’ve bore my heart to people I don’t even know through this little blog of mine, and I really couldn’t tell you exactly why. Maybe it’s because it is a healthy outlet for me as I continue to walk this road of recovery. Maybe it’s because I want you to feel like you’re never alone. Maybe it’s both.

Maybe it’s because I feel like my story is worthwhile and worth telling. I could be burdened with the weight of things I’ve done, things I’ve said and things that have happened to me. But I am not. I am no longer chained to the past and my regret. Although the past haunts me in my waking and my sleeping, it no longer binds me. I’m learning to live a life without shame, for I have been made new. I have been set free through the blood of Christ Jesus.

The cross equals love. He does not look on me as a sinner, stained with regret and worry and mistakes. No, He sees me as a new creation – crafted by His careful hand. He looks at me with joy and pride, for I am HIS child, blameless in His sight. Even on the lowest days, when I feel absolutely repulsive from the ick of my mistakes, He still sees me as a beautiful work of art. Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand this. So often I don’t believe it. But it is true.

And I want you to know that. I understand that many of you don’t believe in God or share my convictions, but I want you to know that you are loved and accepted. Your past does not define you. You are present, you are here. And your future holds so many unexpected, wonderful things. I believe in you. I believe that you can be valiant.