Tag Archives: lyrics

Anything and everything?

I would do anything  for you

if it would keep you here with me.

And I would change everything for you,

if I just knew that you would stay.

– anything and everything, the icarus account

I adore the Icarus account, an indie twosome made up of the talented Turner twins. Their songs are generally “feel good” with a cutesy vibe. They came up on shuffle as I was listening to spotify tonight, and this song struck me. But not in a good way…

The lyrics above are consisted of words that I have personally said or thought and I’m sure many of you have or well. Words that you’ve said to someone, begging them to stay. Words that you’ve thought because, just maybe changing something about yourself or your circumstances would prevent them for leaving. But is that a healthy mindset? 

Is it really healthy to sacrifice your own happiness and health for someone else? I tend to think that, no, it’s not okay. It’s easy to say and swear that we would do anything for the one we love, and perhaps we would! But perhaps we also need to think about ourselves and if that is a good thing for us. This probably seems contradictory to my posts about being selfless and putting other’s needs ahead of ours, but this is very different. I’ve seen too many people I care about being controlled by their emotions and feelings by the one they loved. Sometimes the ones we care about most are the ones who are most destructive to our mental health and happiness.

I beg you, don’t change anything about yourself just to make another person happy. Don’t do something you aren’t comfortable with to make the one you love stay. Don’t sacrifice anything about yourself because someone tells you they won’t love you anymore if you don’t. I beg you, don’t do that. Because in the end, sometimes that person leaves anyone, no matter what you do or what you give. And then you’ll be left broken and hurt deeper than you can imagine. I beg you not to give anything and everything that will harm you and your mental health.

the tulips // summer song

all the kids, they want today,

all they ever think about’s

about summer.

It’s about summer.

I’m sitting by the window listening to the soundtrack of the movie The Music Never Stopped. The hum of multiple lawn mowers fill my ears, and there’s a steady breeze coming in. It’s hot, really hot for a May day, but I’m not complaining. I’ve missed the sunshine and the bare legs and the suntanned skin. The start of summer always has felt magical to me, as it signifies the end of the school year and the beginning of summertime adventures.

All the kids, they want today

the world’s problems to go away

it’s about summer,

it’s about summer.

Summertime has always felt wildly carefree to me, with no schoolwork to worry about and no grades or due dates or what not. It felt as though all my problems faded away. As a child, summer meant days at the pool, sleepovers with my best friend, going barefoot, and eating more ice-cream than usual. It was a wondrous, free of worry and stress. As I grew older, summer became busier. I got summer jobs, volunteered at camps, and seemed to have little time to myself. (But it was all fun nonetheless!) this summer I seem to be doing much less, so maybe it will return to it’s carefree state.

thoughtful, impassioned they easily open their minds,

through the eyes of a child,

this world is truly divine

Thoughtful, impassioned they easily open…

Is summer still magical for you?

release (an original) // lyric thursday… sort of.

release by Estherlyn. (that’s me!) A quick little post before lyric thursday is over even though it technically is already.

I was yours like a bird in a cage,

The only thing I knew was flying 

but you took that away.

 

I was yours like a monarch in a jar,

you crushed my wings 

I could not escape.

I’ve written quite a few times about how I was held captive to a nasty addiction. But with that addiction came the monster of depression. You may write me off as a normal teenager, going through a rough time and blaming it on depression. But that is not the case. For me, it is believed to be genetic, probably inherited from a birthmother who abused drugs and alcohol before she gave birth to me. (my adoptive mother is great, please don’t confuse the two!) My doctors were incredibly worried once they were told it was probably genetic. But before I actually went to the doctors, I struggled alone. I couldn’t comprehend why I felt so lifeless. I did not want to do anything but sleep and eat occasionally and sleep some more. I began to loathe any human interaction. When I absolutely had to be around others, I put on a fake face and smiled until it hurt. My true self was becoming a ghost to the girl who could fool near everyone.

So release me, I was never yours to keep locked away.

So release me, I am my own, I am my own today.

So release me, take the shackles off this heart of mine

So release me, I was never yours, I was never yours to keep.

A couple years later, I still struggle with depression. I am so much better now, with help from therapists and a change in diet. I still feel a bit embarrassed admitted my struggle to others, but I’m learning that it’s okay. I’m channeling my energy and feelings into expressing myself in ways for others to relate and be able to feel like someone understands. Because I do understand.

I am my own, I have been made new.

No longer bound by the shame and regrets,

I am made new.

monkees // lyric thursday

Then I saw her face,

now I’m a believer.

not a trace 

of doubt in my mind

I’m in love,

I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her

if I tried

What makes me want to believeLove.

Love is one of the strongest of emotions and the greatest feeling you can have towards another. Now, the Monkees are talking about a romantic kind of love, but I am referring to a universal love. The love you feel towards the earth, humanity, people in general. I realize that it is very difficult to love, especially when you’ve been hurt. Sometimes it feels like there are those out there who do not deserve our love and compassion. However, God calls us to love one another, no matter what. We are called to love sacrificially and unconditionally, and above all – selflessly. 

I thought love was more or less a giving thing,

the more I gave the less I got,

what’s the use of trying?

All you get is pain.

When I wanted sunshine I got rain.

I’ve felt this way before. I felt like I poured myself out until I was empty, receiving nothing in return. I give and I give, and others take and they take. After awhile, you begin to feel like you deserve something in return. But that is not the case. While I do not promote being a doormat and giving people what they want to the point where it is harmful for yourself, true love and compassion is sacrifice and selflessness. Sometimes, in order to lift someone else up, we must lay ourselves down. It isn’t fun and it isn’t what we want to do. But in the end, we will be rewarded in some way or another. 

Consider the ones who have sacrificed their wants for our well being. Don’t they inspire you? Wouldn’t you like to be more like them?

Love and friendship. They are what make us who we are, and what can change us, if we let them

– Emily Giffin

Will you be a believer?

the window.

There by the window I thought I might love him,

but there by the window I shook my head “no”.

Fear looked at me and I lowered my head,

the steam in my coffee knew that it was the end.

I wonder how I looked to others as I sat by myself at the far too familiar coffee shop, my eyes looking downcast and my shoulders slumped. I wonder if anyone payed any attention to me, the lonely girl in the corner, holding her coffee that had gone cold long ago. I wonder if they thought about me. So often, I walk into a coffee shop and notice things, notice people, and notice how they sit. Some sit agitated and nervous, waiting for someone special to arrive. Others sit behind laptops or books, searching for their piece of mind. I often think about them and wonder who they are and what they came to the coffee shop to escape from. 

I wonder if people do the same for me. I wonder if they noticed the sad eyes and distracted smile. 

These are the moments and these are the days.

And these are the reasons why I’m not the same

one who sat by the window unwise and afraid.

Tomorrow I know I’ll be better. 

One day, I walked into the coffee shop and ordered my usual chai latte. I was surprised to hear that someone had already paid for it. I tried to figure out who might do that, but with a quick scan of the quiet coffee shop – no one looked familiar to me. I was humbled by the kindness of a stranger, and suddenly my day didn’t seem too terrible at all.

By the window I wrote letters to people I hated

and mine was the name at the start of them all

but the crippled and cracked wooden table forgave me

and I learned to forgive myself.

I can’t count the times I’ve escaped to that faithful old coffee shop to escape the trials of life. I’ve even curled up in one of the chairs, hiding behind a book so people couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. There’s something about being nestled in the steady hum and warmth of a coffee shop that makes me feel okay.

By the window I found it’s okay not to be okay

and the brave ones admit that they’re afraid

and I found that we don’t have to wander alone –

We won’t if we are together. 

Let’s sit by the window together.

Jane Marczewski

 

 

Draw A Map, Find A Path, Take A Breath, and…

Run.

Easily one of my favourite songs to listen to when I’m down and out.

“Kinda wish I had the courage, a bit of bravery. So tired of waiting for a man to come and save me. Wishing I had everything, or something really. It’s hard to admit it but now I’m thinking freely.”

Learning to rely on yourself, your own strength, and your own courage rather than another human’s is a hard and painful experience. But it is so rewarding. I feel as though I’m a much more confident person since I’ve realized that I do not need another person to make me feel brave. I am brave because I am me. I am courageous because I’ve endured the trials and the pains of life. When the going gets tough, people often leave in fear. But you know what? I will always have myself. You will always have yourself, no matter who walks away and who doesn’t stay.

“I’m going to open my mind to all these new found, exciting possibilities.”

you feel your heart beat loudest when it’s breaking

(switchfoot)

Isn’t that true though? It’s very rare that we know how alive we are until the moment that our world is shattered, a dream is crushed, or someone walks away. When the words we most certainly do not want to hear are uttered, we can hear our hearts pound like a drum and our chests feel as if they might explode. 

Why is this? 

I think it’s because heartbreak is sort of like an unwelcome wake up call, shaking us to a harsh and bitter reality. It reminds us that we are human, life is not perfect, things go wrong… yet we’re still alive. It is proof that, yeah… life can be hell. But we are still alive, breathing, and carrying on nonetheless. Even amidst the hardest of trials, the brutalist of breakups, and the most difficult of days… our hearts still beat the steady rhythm of life. 

When heartbreak rears its ugly head in my own life, I often close my eyes, take a deep breath, and listen for the faint beating of my own heart. The more I listen, the louder it grows. And somehow, knowing that I am still alive and well, the heartbreak doesn’t feel so bad. As the bitterness of the hurt and heartache swells in my chest, I like to think of it as my existence making itself unashamedly known.

So often I do not know what to think or how to feel about things, or I get anxious about what’s next. What soothes me is the simple fact that I am here and I am alive for a specific reason. Although I’ve yet to understand or figure out that reason, it comforts me nonetheless. 

Listen to your heart beat for it is the rhythm of your life. What is it trying to tell you?

dreads & dandelions

It’s spring. It finally feels like spring – the weather is warm and the sun is shining and the grass is turning green with little specks of yellow popping up. The sunshine has done wonders for my soul, and the glorious weather has brightened everyone’s spirits.

I dreaded parts of my hair a few days ago. I’m really content with it! It’s fun to see people double take and say, “I never thought YOU’D get dreads.” It’s actually pretty humorous. 

Life is hectic as always and it has its many, MANY ups and downs. But I find that all I need is to just “go with the flow”. There’s no use in resisting the inevitable changes or trials of life. 

I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I am under.

– mumford and suns

there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

(to quote Mr. C.S. Lewis.)

It’s hard for me to accept this sometimes. Although I may be an incredibly over ambitious person, I’m still very content with my life where it is now. I’m surrounded by incredible friends, and this small town life isn’t too terrible. I love the comfort of being able to stroll in town to my favourite coffee shop and seeing familiar faces and hear an abundance of “hello Erin!”s. 

Truthfully, even as adventurous as I am… starting a whole new life at college terrifies me. The thought of having to make new friends or finding my way about a place I really don’t know is so foreign to me. I’m going to a new place where I will only know a handful of people, much different than where I am now – where it feels like I know everyone!

Now I know no season is supposed to last forever, but I find myself wishing for “just a little more time”. I’ve tried in vain to discover just what it is that terrifies me about starting a new chapter in life. Most of my friends are absolutely ecstatic about the chance of starting over and becoming new people at their select colleges. I think that the thought of starting afresh is exciting, yet also scary. The adventurous side of me is counting down the days until move in day, but the other side of me is holding onto every precious minute I have here. See, I think that it isn’t the whole “starting over” thing that scares me…what scares me is leaving everything I’ve known here. I’ve practically grown up with most of my friends since the sixth grade. It seems odd for all of us to be partying ways.

Dont let go, said the leaf to the tree,
I dont know myself without you here with me.
But as she let me go, I knew
Our shining season now was through

Nonetheless, that is how life works out. Nothing is too permanent and I understand that at some time, I must accept the inevitable change. It’s bittersweet. I know incredible things are in store, yet it’s hard to see that. What has helped me accept that I must move on to better things are the memories that I’ve made in the past few years. Leaving and moving on does not mean forgetting. I will cling to the fond memories I’ve made as I journey on into the next phase of life.

Better things are ahead than any we leave behind
Let the sun set so a new one will rise
But always remember our time
(our time by Jane Marczewski

 

monday morning. (or wednesday afternoon)

Image]

 

She may be young but she only likes old things, 

and modern music it ain’t to her taste,

She loves the natural light

captured in black and white.

 

She sees mirages of mountains ranges

within the blink of her eyes this changes

back tot he open plains

oh no, she can’t explain.

(death cab for cutie – monday morning)


Have you ever stumbled across a song that perfectly defined who you are and who you want to be all at once? That’s what this song is for me. 

What song accurately sums you up? What song would be in the soundtrack to your life? What lyrics do you most relate to? tell me in the comments – I’m intrigued!

-erin