Tag Archives: future

life will turn with the leaves.

I am almost down to one month. One month until I leave to start a whole new life at University. One month until I leave all of the friends I’ve grown up with over the years to meet a whole new group of people. One month until I say goodbye to my home of 18 years. One month until life turns.

And I cannot wait.

I can feel autumn in my bones, even though I’m physically stuck in the middle of a sweltering summer. It sounds strange, doesn’t it? But I feel the change on the horizon. When the leaves turn from green to rusty reds and oranges, my life will turn from familiar to totally new and maybe uncomfortable. When the breeze picks up, so shall my life. When the nights turn shorter and colder, my time here will grow distance and more into bittersweet memories. 

I am ready. I am ready for autumn weather, because I desperately hate wearing shorts. I am ready for a new life on campus, full of new faces and new things and new everything. I am ready to grow up and realize that everything here that I thought meant “everything” really meant so little in comparison. Honestly, I am ready to leave these people and these far too familiar faces. I will miss them dearly, some heaps more than others. Others I will learn never truly cared for me, and I will become better for realizing that. I am already starting to realize how superficial some of my friendships are, even though I thought them to be deep and meaningful. Isn’t it strange how easily other’s opinions of you can easily sway someone you called your best friend? Or how people expect you to pick sides? It’s crazy, that’s for sure. Anyway.

As for this town, it will grow sweeter as I am away from it longer. I will begin to appreciate the time I return to visit. I will long for reunions with the coffeeshop I seem to frequent weekly, or the annoying traffic lights that take too long, or the familiarity of it all. 

And finally, as for this life I am leaving, I will grow, grow, grow, grow. I am excited to see the person I transform into, as I get to kind of start over. I will no longer be chained to the preconceived opinions of people, or worry that lies or rumours will effect people’s judgment. I need not worry about that any longer. And that is a relief.

So, dear leaves, I hope you change very soon. Because I am ready.

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summertime epiphanies

It’s been far too long since I’ve written anything. For the past few months, everytime I sat down to write, i felt like I didn’t have the correct words. Even now, I still don’t feel as though I have anything interesting to say.

But I suppose you all deserve an update of sorts, so I’ve compiled a list of three things I’ve been doing.

  • I have been taking more photos and storing up the memories for a time when I will need them. Just today I pulled over whilst driving just to take a few snapshots of the sky and the clouds. I want to remember what the sky here at home looks like when I had to college. I am a very visual person, probably because of my extremely artsy streak. This is why I cherish photographs so much, for looking back at them can almost take me back to that moment in time. Photos, to me, are like dogeared pages in the book called “my life”.
  • I have been taking more risks and stepping outside of my comfort zone. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I really enjoy comfort zones. I get nervous easily and I’m incredibly shy when you first meet me. But, with a little encouragement from a few friends and a whole lot of practice, I’ve become the person that walks up to strangers and asks them how they’re doing. I no longer cringe at the thought of first encounters, but welcome them. It is now quite easy for me to carry on an interesting conversation with someone I barely know. I believe this will help me tremendously as I enter University in just over one month.

 

  • I have been spending more time alone. This may sound a little odd to you, but spending time with just myself has taught me so much. I’m learning how vastly complex I am, and that that is just fine. I’ve discovered that if my friends want to hang out and I really do not wish to, it’s okay to say no. I do not need to push myself to be the person everyone expects me to be. I’m learning that I am much stronger than I once thought. Learning to be content by myself has also shown me that I need not look for a relationship at the moment. Although it is disheartening that most all of my friends are in relationships or have significant others, being single is where I need to be. In fact, I quite like the freedom of not having to worry about such a petty thing like wondering who likes me and what not. There are still many complexities to my personality that I haven’t yet figured out, but I know I will get there soon enough.

As you can see, I’ve learned in these past few months. As for the experiences and things I’ve gone through in that time, I don’t have enough space to even begin to explain it all. But perhaps that will be saved for a few future posts. 

All in all, my summer is going quite wonderfully, and I hope the same goes for you all.

If I had to pick my favourite Mumford and Sons lyrics, it would have to be this line:

And I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I am under.

This line has been the motto of my senior year. Seriously, if I could I would get it branded on a t-shirt and wear it everywhere. At the middle school youth group I help lead tonight, we were studying Matthew 6:34, the verse that says “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow…”  I was suddenly reminded of these lyrics and I began to reevaluate what they mean to me.

When I first heard. “Hopeless Wanderer” by M&S, I applied it to the fact that I am very much a traveler. I have a hard time staying in one place with the same people for too long. It’s not that I get bored of them or of the place, but rather my soul starts getting feverish – wondering what else there is out there for me. You could call it a “severe case of wanderlust”. I held onto those lyrics as a reminder to always appreciate where I am physically, whether I’m stuck in this cornfield-ridden town of mine or in the mountains or in the bustling city.

Back to now. When I dissected the verse we read tonight with my middle school girls, I started to think about the lyrics again and what they mean now.

Now, I think they remind me to love my life, no matter where I am. It’s been a journey these past few years, and many circumstances I’d rather forget or skip past. In fact, I often find myself wishing away the precious months I still have here, in excitement for the future. I’m very much a planner. I like to know what’s next and I most often get distracted by what’s ahead. That’s a silly way to live. Now don’t get me wrong, planning is not bad at all. But when you start to miss out on the beauty of the present, you start to miss out on important things. I constantly have to remind myself that the future will come and I need not worry it, for God has it all figured out. My job is the enjoy the present and the time I’ve been given in this town, with these people, in these circumstances, and in this season.

Today was a perfect reminder of that. I spontaneously got a group of some dear friends together and we just laughed and threw the frisbee before playing on a playground. For a few hours, no one talked about college or leaving or “the good old days” or how sad it is going to be next year. We just laughed, joked, and told stories. For a second, I even forgot about the future. It sounds weird, but I was so in the moment, laughing at my best friend being reckless and goofy as usual. Joking with others. Smiling. Feeling joyful.

I continue to learn to love the skies I am under. And when I leave my season here in this town with these friends, I will learn to love those skies as well.