Tag Archives: college

life will turn with the leaves.

I am almost down to one month. One month until I leave to start a whole new life at University. One month until I leave all of the friends I’ve grown up with over the years to meet a whole new group of people. One month until I say goodbye to my home of 18 years. One month until life turns.

And I cannot wait.

I can feel autumn in my bones, even though I’m physically stuck in the middle of a sweltering summer. It sounds strange, doesn’t it? But I feel the change on the horizon. When the leaves turn from green to rusty reds and oranges, my life will turn from familiar to totally new and maybe uncomfortable. When the breeze picks up, so shall my life. When the nights turn shorter and colder, my time here will grow distance and more into bittersweet memories. 

I am ready. I am ready for autumn weather, because I desperately hate wearing shorts. I am ready for a new life on campus, full of new faces and new things and new everything. I am ready to grow up and realize that everything here that I thought meant “everything” really meant so little in comparison. Honestly, I am ready to leave these people and these far too familiar faces. I will miss them dearly, some heaps more than others. Others I will learn never truly cared for me, and I will become better for realizing that. I am already starting to realize how superficial some of my friendships are, even though I thought them to be deep and meaningful. Isn’t it strange how easily other’s opinions of you can easily sway someone you called your best friend? Or how people expect you to pick sides? It’s crazy, that’s for sure. Anyway.

As for this town, it will grow sweeter as I am away from it longer. I will begin to appreciate the time I return to visit. I will long for reunions with the coffeeshop I seem to frequent weekly, or the annoying traffic lights that take too long, or the familiarity of it all. 

And finally, as for this life I am leaving, I will grow, grow, grow, grow. I am excited to see the person I transform into, as I get to kind of start over. I will no longer be chained to the preconceived opinions of people, or worry that lies or rumours will effect people’s judgment. I need not worry about that any longer. And that is a relief.

So, dear leaves, I hope you change very soon. Because I am ready.

summertime epiphanies

It’s been far too long since I’ve written anything. For the past few months, everytime I sat down to write, i felt like I didn’t have the correct words. Even now, I still don’t feel as though I have anything interesting to say.

But I suppose you all deserve an update of sorts, so I’ve compiled a list of three things I’ve been doing.

  • I have been taking more photos and storing up the memories for a time when I will need them. Just today I pulled over whilst driving just to take a few snapshots of the sky and the clouds. I want to remember what the sky here at home looks like when I had to college. I am a very visual person, probably because of my extremely artsy streak. This is why I cherish photographs so much, for looking back at them can almost take me back to that moment in time. Photos, to me, are like dogeared pages in the book called “my life”.
  • I have been taking more risks and stepping outside of my comfort zone. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I really enjoy comfort zones. I get nervous easily and I’m incredibly shy when you first meet me. But, with a little encouragement from a few friends and a whole lot of practice, I’ve become the person that walks up to strangers and asks them how they’re doing. I no longer cringe at the thought of first encounters, but welcome them. It is now quite easy for me to carry on an interesting conversation with someone I barely know. I believe this will help me tremendously as I enter University in just over one month.

 

  • I have been spending more time alone. This may sound a little odd to you, but spending time with just myself has taught me so much. I’m learning how vastly complex I am, and that that is just fine. I’ve discovered that if my friends want to hang out and I really do not wish to, it’s okay to say no. I do not need to push myself to be the person everyone expects me to be. I’m learning that I am much stronger than I once thought. Learning to be content by myself has also shown me that I need not look for a relationship at the moment. Although it is disheartening that most all of my friends are in relationships or have significant others, being single is where I need to be. In fact, I quite like the freedom of not having to worry about such a petty thing like wondering who likes me and what not. There are still many complexities to my personality that I haven’t yet figured out, but I know I will get there soon enough.

As you can see, I’ve learned in these past few months. As for the experiences and things I’ve gone through in that time, I don’t have enough space to even begin to explain it all. But perhaps that will be saved for a few future posts. 

All in all, my summer is going quite wonderfully, and I hope the same goes for you all.

there are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

(to quote Mr. C.S. Lewis.)

It’s hard for me to accept this sometimes. Although I may be an incredibly over ambitious person, I’m still very content with my life where it is now. I’m surrounded by incredible friends, and this small town life isn’t too terrible. I love the comfort of being able to stroll in town to my favourite coffee shop and seeing familiar faces and hear an abundance of “hello Erin!”s. 

Truthfully, even as adventurous as I am… starting a whole new life at college terrifies me. The thought of having to make new friends or finding my way about a place I really don’t know is so foreign to me. I’m going to a new place where I will only know a handful of people, much different than where I am now – where it feels like I know everyone!

Now I know no season is supposed to last forever, but I find myself wishing for “just a little more time”. I’ve tried in vain to discover just what it is that terrifies me about starting a new chapter in life. Most of my friends are absolutely ecstatic about the chance of starting over and becoming new people at their select colleges. I think that the thought of starting afresh is exciting, yet also scary. The adventurous side of me is counting down the days until move in day, but the other side of me is holding onto every precious minute I have here. See, I think that it isn’t the whole “starting over” thing that scares me…what scares me is leaving everything I’ve known here. I’ve practically grown up with most of my friends since the sixth grade. It seems odd for all of us to be partying ways.

Dont let go, said the leaf to the tree,
I dont know myself without you here with me.
But as she let me go, I knew
Our shining season now was through

Nonetheless, that is how life works out. Nothing is too permanent and I understand that at some time, I must accept the inevitable change. It’s bittersweet. I know incredible things are in store, yet it’s hard to see that. What has helped me accept that I must move on to better things are the memories that I’ve made in the past few years. Leaving and moving on does not mean forgetting. I will cling to the fond memories I’ve made as I journey on into the next phase of life.

Better things are ahead than any we leave behind
Let the sun set so a new one will rise
But always remember our time
(our time by Jane Marczewski