Tag Archives: blogging

things to remember.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about the words you’ve written or the ones you will write. For if he doesn’t care for the words you write, he will grow not to care about the words you say. He will not care about the words you do not say.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about the books you read. The one who won’t listen as you chatter on excited about Sal Paradise’s adventures across the United States, and how the road is life. The one who doesn’t listen to your 2 AM epiphanies about life and living and the value of adventure. The one who ignores your dreaming and ramblings about leaving everything to find everything. How could anyone ignore the fire and passion in your eyes after you breathed the words of Howl for the first time? He must be blind indeed.

Do not fall for the boy who doesn’t care about your favourite song. The one who doesn’t see the way your heart rises and falls to the tempo and the beat. The one who doesn’t watch as you silently whisper the words to this song – this song that reminded you that you’re not alone in life. Music speaks.

And do not fall for the boy who doesn’t see you as a work of art. As something crafted so perfectly unique, with complex brushstrokes in your hair, and vibrant colours and hues in your lively eyes. For if he doesn’t see you as a work of art, he will not treat you as one. He will not care about the “fragile” and “do not touch” signs. My dear, stay far away from that one. Don’t ever, ever let him tell you that you’re anything less than a masterpiece.

Wait. Just wait a little bit and do not settle.

Wait for the boy who reads carefully over the words you’ve written, and smiles when he sees his name scribbled in there. He will understand the words of your heart, and know the words your smile and your eyes say.

Wait for the boy who listens patiently as you chatter about your favourite books and authors. The one who smiles with love as you recite William Butler Yeats’ poetry to him. The one who will even read you your favourite book to fall asleep. That is the boy who loves you for all of the passion and fire in your soul.

Wait for the boy who knows your favourite song just as well as his favourite song. The boy who knows when to play it for you when you’re feeling especially blue. In time, he’ll learn to sing harmony to your melody.

Wait for the boy who treats you like a piece of art. The boy who loves everything aspect about you. The boy who sees no flaw, but characteristics. The boy who respects your body like one would respect the Mona Lisa. One does not have to feel art to feel it (if that makes sense…). 

Finally, wait for the boy who waits for you. The one who is patient and understanding, because sometimes life is confusing and you often don’t know what you want exactly. If he truly loves you, he will wait for the right timing. He will wait during the hard times, and the times you feel like you don’t know yourself anymore. Be patient, silly heart. He’s out there.

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I write because I must.

Words. Words. Words. My life is full of words. If someone could peek into my brain, they would see a constant outpouring of words and syllables and letters that make up who I am and what I think and how I convey myself to other people. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I am happiest when I am scribbling away in one of the dozens of journals that I own. It’s not uncommon for them to see me hunched over a notebook, furiously writing away. Of course, I am not writing anything of importance really. No, I’m just getting the thoughts out of my head and onto something tangible – the paper.

Why do I write? You ask. Well, to be completely honest, I write because I feel I might implode if I don’t. The words and thoughts I accumulate in this brain of mine in a day’s time can get overwhelming. I process things delicately, yet quickly. If someone is talking to me, I tend to get distracted because my brain is focusing on how I can reply to them. On average, I can come up with three or four different ways to reply in a few short seconds. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? But that’s just how this mind of mine works. 

Sometimes the thoughts are screaming at me, requiring me to write them in bold, capital letters at the tops of napkins. Other times they are quiet and gentle, sometimes inspiring song lyrics. Still other times they are barely coherent, and I barely even know when they say when I jot them down. But seeing those words transferred from the complexities of my thoughts in my head, to a piece of paper I can hold in my hand soothes me. It brings me comfort. It helps me make sense of everything. It helps me breathe.

I’ve said all this to answer a question: Why did you start this blog? Why do you write?

I write because I must. 

summertime epiphanies

It’s been far too long since I’ve written anything. For the past few months, everytime I sat down to write, i felt like I didn’t have the correct words. Even now, I still don’t feel as though I have anything interesting to say.

But I suppose you all deserve an update of sorts, so I’ve compiled a list of three things I’ve been doing.

  • I have been taking more photos and storing up the memories for a time when I will need them. Just today I pulled over whilst driving just to take a few snapshots of the sky and the clouds. I want to remember what the sky here at home looks like when I had to college. I am a very visual person, probably because of my extremely artsy streak. This is why I cherish photographs so much, for looking back at them can almost take me back to that moment in time. Photos, to me, are like dogeared pages in the book called “my life”.
  • I have been taking more risks and stepping outside of my comfort zone. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I really enjoy comfort zones. I get nervous easily and I’m incredibly shy when you first meet me. But, with a little encouragement from a few friends and a whole lot of practice, I’ve become the person that walks up to strangers and asks them how they’re doing. I no longer cringe at the thought of first encounters, but welcome them. It is now quite easy for me to carry on an interesting conversation with someone I barely know. I believe this will help me tremendously as I enter University in just over one month.

 

  • I have been spending more time alone. This may sound a little odd to you, but spending time with just myself has taught me so much. I’m learning how vastly complex I am, and that that is just fine. I’ve discovered that if my friends want to hang out and I really do not wish to, it’s okay to say no. I do not need to push myself to be the person everyone expects me to be. I’m learning that I am much stronger than I once thought. Learning to be content by myself has also shown me that I need not look for a relationship at the moment. Although it is disheartening that most all of my friends are in relationships or have significant others, being single is where I need to be. In fact, I quite like the freedom of not having to worry about such a petty thing like wondering who likes me and what not. There are still many complexities to my personality that I haven’t yet figured out, but I know I will get there soon enough.

As you can see, I’ve learned in these past few months. As for the experiences and things I’ve gone through in that time, I don’t have enough space to even begin to explain it all. But perhaps that will be saved for a few future posts. 

All in all, my summer is going quite wonderfully, and I hope the same goes for you all.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

– Theodore Roosevelt 

I stand in front of the mirror, meticulously peering at my reflection before I go out for the day. I look first at my outfit – these shorts aren’t fitting me like they’re supposed to today. This shirt hugs my stomach a bit too much for my liking. My oddly proportioned body just seems awkward in this outfit, and I change into something different, for fear of everyone else thinking the same thing. I throw on a cardigan to cover up my unfit arms and I sigh, i guess this will do.

My focus is turned to my hair and I long for it to be longer like every other girl I know. The weather has turned it frizzy, and I wish for perfect hair. As if that were a thing. 

Next I look at my face, my attention turning to the imperfections and blemishes. I don’t even take much time to inspect my face, for I know I won’t be happy any way. I stand back and take one last look at myself. My shoulders are slumped and I try to suck in my gut a little bit more. that’s not terrible. I mutter before I walk out of my room. It could be better. I could look like her. Or have her perfect skin. Or my best friend’s perfect hair. Or her shape, for I fear I am too petite and not thin enough. I am never content. 


 

Why do we do this? Why do we constantly compare ourselves to who we aren’t, rather than appreciating who we are? No, we will never look like her or him. But that’s okay! We are all created to be different and unique. We are all perfect in our own ways. Do not be afraid to embrace your individuality. Perhaps you have a freckled face? No one else has the same exact freckles as you do! And that one dimple in your cheek? Someone someday will find that the cutest thing ever. The scars that zig zag across your wrists are not reminders of the past, but reminders of the fact that you are here and you triumphed. There is no such thing as an imperfection, for you are you. And you are perfect.

Do not compare yourself to another. Please.

summer skin.

And so with the sunshine and the bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.

– F. Scott Fitzgerald.

 

Oh, how I adore this quote. It is one that rings true, even in my own life. I find myself feeling ecstatic as the summer begins, flooding my town with sunshine and good vibes. The grass is turner greener, and the trees are bursting with leaves. The flowers are blooming in the garden, and I’m sitting outside on our patio listening to my neighbors mow their lawns and work on outdoorsy projects. There’s a certain universal joy that everyone is experiencing as they enjoy the wonderful weather. It feels fresh and new, like nothing that has happened before.

And perhaps that is what the summer does to us. Perhaps it reminds us that we can start over and that the trials and cold of winter is not eternal. Perhaps it reminds us that things can begin again. 

So I shall shed the skin of winter, the hard and tough armor that I suited myself with. I will leave that behind me and take on my summer skin, ready for all of the new adventures and promises of this season.

dreaming of travel.

Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don’t be sorry.

– Jack Kerouac

Oh, be still my heart. I have such a fond spot for the ever wonderful Jack Kerouac and his contributions to literature. I often imagine what it would have been like to live in the Beat Generation, adventuring across the U.S with he and Neal Cassady, experiencing things and writing about them. I dream of living on the road for some time in the future, simply writing stories of the people I meet and taking photos of the things I see.

You see, I have a hunger for adventure and discovery. I’ve never been content to stay in one place for too long. I’m fascinated by the fact that we all have stories, and I yearn to go to different places to hear other people’s stories. 

Perhaps one day I shall hit the road with a select few friends and learn more about this world through the eyes of others.

one.

One final day of high school and then I will be free. One last day to call myself a high school senior.

I am both terrified and excited all at once. In three short months I will be packing up my room and moving in to my college dorm with my future roomie. I will be saying my farewells and “i’ll see you soon”s. I will be shedding tears as I watch my best friend depart to a campus a state away. I will be looking back at everything I did do and everything I didn’t. Perhaps things will be like you see in movies, where the main character gets flashbacks as they watch their hometown grow smaller and smaller in their rearview mirror. 

I have learned more than I could ever write about these past four years of high school. I can’t sum it all up even if I tried. I’ve seen so much and experienced so more than I could ever tell you, dear reader. People have left and things have changed and life has moved on in ways I never thought it would. But others have come into my life, and I’ve learned that change happens for reasons I can’t comprehend. Life does move on, but always because of progress. 

I suppose I shall tell you the greatest lesson I have learned. I have learned that no matter what you do or where you go, life never stops. It never stops changing and spinning and going on and on and on. You cannot resist that change. Some people will go through many of life’s changes with you and others will no, but no matter what happens… you must press on. 

the tulips // summer song

all the kids, they want today,

all they ever think about’s

about summer.

It’s about summer.

I’m sitting by the window listening to the soundtrack of the movie The Music Never Stopped. The hum of multiple lawn mowers fill my ears, and there’s a steady breeze coming in. It’s hot, really hot for a May day, but I’m not complaining. I’ve missed the sunshine and the bare legs and the suntanned skin. The start of summer always has felt magical to me, as it signifies the end of the school year and the beginning of summertime adventures.

All the kids, they want today

the world’s problems to go away

it’s about summer,

it’s about summer.

Summertime has always felt wildly carefree to me, with no schoolwork to worry about and no grades or due dates or what not. It felt as though all my problems faded away. As a child, summer meant days at the pool, sleepovers with my best friend, going barefoot, and eating more ice-cream than usual. It was a wondrous, free of worry and stress. As I grew older, summer became busier. I got summer jobs, volunteered at camps, and seemed to have little time to myself. (But it was all fun nonetheless!) this summer I seem to be doing much less, so maybe it will return to it’s carefree state.

thoughtful, impassioned they easily open their minds,

through the eyes of a child,

this world is truly divine

Thoughtful, impassioned they easily open…

Is summer still magical for you?

an uncontrollable mind.

I am very much a night person. My brain is most active when it is dark and the hours are growing later. Often I find myself milling about my house while the rest of my family sleeps, recording songs or painting or reading books – whatever settles my busy mind really. 

So often I’ve thought about how I could leave for a good six hours without anyone realizing it. I’ve often thought about sneaking out, but not to do anything crazy or ridiculous. Rather, I would just sneak out to walk around and have some open space to myself. I’ve considered doing this many a time, but fear always wins. (and probably intuition. My neighborhood isn’t bad at all, but the people who walk down my street are a bit sketchy at best.) 

Anyhow. I’m not really sure what my mind is up to right now. I have a billion thoughts swarming around my head. Today was a day of sinking, sinking back into muddled feelings and miserable thoughts. But tomorrow will be better, I am sure of it.