lights will guide you home…

I always find myself blogging by the window while it rains, with a cup of tea by my side. There’s something incredibly serene in the sound of raindrops pounding on the roof of my house. I enjoy the rain more than most normal people might to be honest. One time my mother yelled at me for standing out in the rain without an umbrella, getting soaked through. But I didn’t mind. I’m the obnoxious friend who splashes in the puddles as she walks, kicking up water with her feet. Some think rain to be an inconvenience, but I find it refreshing, as it washes the earth over. To me, rain signifies a new beginning. Washing something clean.

Sometimes I wish it would rain in my soul, because God knows that my soul needs a good cleansing. I long for the rain to pummel away all the dirty smudges and icky past regrets and scars on my heart. I wish a simple, gentle rain could wash away all the things I am not very proud of. But unfortunately, things don’t work that way. I must learn to accept these things.

I see people around me wishing the same thing, that their pasts could be obliterated. They long to be ransomed and redeemed from their regrets. They cry out in their own ways, not sure if anyone cares. It breaks my heart to see that because I care very much. I wish I could help others in some way when I see them going through things, but so often I am simply helpless. That kills me on the inside. I hate feeling helpless in any situation. If I could, I’d gather all the bruised, broken people in my arms and let them know that someone cares deeply and genuinely. People really need that. I know I need that sometimes. My own arms are weak at times, my own heart is heavy, my own mind is distracted, and my own wrists are scarred. But they make me who I am and I’n learning to be okay with that. And since I’m accepting who I am, I want to extend compassion and unconditional love to the ones who aren’t really okay with themselves yet. I want to let others know they are never, ever alone – no matter where they are in life. Because the worst thing is feeling like there is no one to turn to. 

…And I will try to fix you.

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