let it make you better, not bitter.

on the subject of grudges

I once heard the saying let the past make you better, not bitter.

I feel as though this applies to myself. I tend to hold onto things… little things, big things, every thing in between. Heck, I even could name off 5 things from middle school that still make me upset thinking about them…and that was many years ago! I don’t know what it is that makes me like this. Perhaps it’s the fact that I have a wildly accurate memory. It could also be the fact that I have a flare for the dramatic. Although my personality is not dramatic and I tend to avoid drama at all cost, my brain process is quite the drama queen. I tend to overthink and overanalyze things, making them seem to be a much bigger deal in my head. That in turn leads to having a heart full of bitterness. 

It takes me a long while to forgive, and I must have a good reason to. In all honesty, forgiving people is not as hard for me as forgiving the past. I tend to think about the past far too often, dwelling on the past hurts and past heartbreak. But I’ve learned that living in the past only turns me cold and bitter to the future. I’m learning to look on my past with thankfulness, for it has brought me to where I am today. I am letting it make me better, not bitter.

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