where do we go from here?

I won’t lie. This past week or two has felt like I walked through hell and back. I think I’ve shed more tears in the last ten days than I have my whole life. (That’s probably a wee bit over dramatic.)

Although I won’t bore you with the mundane details of it all, I will say that I’ve got a lot of things to sort out with myself. I find that no matter what I do or what happens to me, I always blame myself – even when it couldn’t possibly be my fault. My brain always jumps to the conclusion that it is something I did to make someone leave, or it’s my fault that some things happen the way they did. It’s very dangerous to live like this. I often find myself sinking lower and lower when I get into this mindset. It’s like I’m living every day wading through quick sand, trying my best to trudge on. It gets harder and harder, especially when I feel as though there is no one I can lean on. 

I am a fiercely independent person. I do not like to have to rely on other people. Blame it on my pride or stubborn ways, but that’s how I’ve always been. I absolutely detest having to ask for help. But sometimes … I have to. I’m learning more and more everyday that I cannot carry on just by myself. Rather, I need the love, support, and encouragement of others. In fact, I have many people who would do almost anything to help me. I just need to take the first step – to admit that sometimes, I do need help.

Sure, you can try to tape up your broken heart, bind up your own wounds, and attempt to limp on by yourself. But how far will you get? You might very well be the strongest person in the world, but even then…. you are going to need other people. I could try to form my closing words and sentences in a way that you might understand, but I think Jamie Tworkowski of TWLOHA will do a much better job.

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “where do we go from here?

  1. Your need for others is no mistake – they are the ones who will lift you up, and God knows you will need them

      1. I like to call it “word vomit” haha, I just tend to put down whatever forms in my head. I honestly did not write at all until a counselor suggested it would be good therapy. Turns out they were right!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s