“I’ve got a lot of loose ends, I’ve done some damage,
I’ve cut the rope, so it frayed,
I’ve got a lot of good friends, keeping me distracted,
keeping my sanity safe”
Sometimes we wish it were easier to cut out the parts of life that we don’t like or we’re ashamed of. Or erase the words we wish we weren’t guilty of saying. Or forget that things that haunt us. I know I sure do.
“Here, I stand on the edge of the ledges I’ve made,
Looking for a steady hand,
Here, I stand in the land of the rocks in the valley,
Trying to be a better man (for you)”
The people in my life who have been faithful and constant throughout the hard times and rough spots are so very important to me. I treasure their friendships and support more than most things. But it’s so easy to feel like I’ve failed them. We, as humans, constantly look at all the ick of the past, and wonder how anyone could possibly love us if they found out about that ick. We hide it, deep down and pretend it was never there. We keep it locked up so no one could ever know.
But the thing is…that’s what friends are for. They’re there to encourage us and to help us get through all the “ick”. I’ve learned that my friends really and truly care, and they never cast judgement. How silly I was to think that they wouldn’t want to be my friend if they knew.
Now I seek to be that friend that people can talk to. I want to be someone who people can trust. I want to return the acceptance and unconditional love that my friends gave to me.
“I want to learn how to love
Not just the feeling
bear all the consequences
And I want to learn how to love,
And give it all back,
And be forgiven for all I’ve done.”